Then What's Next To Do?

"Everyone who asks receives..." (Luke 11:10)

Ask if you have not received.  There is nothing more difficult than asking.  We will have yearnings and desires for certain things, and even suffer as a result of their going unfulfilled, but not until we are at the limit of desperation will we ask.  It is the sense of not being spiritually real that causes us to ask.  Have you ever asked out of the depths of your total insufficiency and poverty?  "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God..." (James 1:5), but be sure that you do lack wisdom before you ask.  You cannot bring yourself to the point of spiritual reality anytime you choose.  The best thing to do, once you realize you are not spiritually real, is to ask God for Holy Spirit, basing your request on the promise of Jesus Christ (See Luke 11:13).  The Holy Spirit is the one who makes everything that Jesus did  for you real in life.

"Everyone who asks receives...."  This does not mean you will not get if you do not ask, but it means that until you come to the point of asking, you will not receive form God (see Matthew 5:45).  To be able to receive means that you have come into the relationship of a child of God, and then you comprehend and appreciate mentally, morally, and with spiritual understanding, that these things come from God.

"If any of you lacks wisdom...."  If you realize that you are lacking, it is because you have come in contact with spiritual reality - do not put the blinders of reason on again.  The word ask actually means "beg."  Some people are poor enough to be interested in their poverty, and some of us are poor enough spiritually to show our lust, not out of our poverty.  A pauper does not ask out of any reason other than the completely hopeless and painful condition of his poverty.  He is not ashamed to beg - blessed are the paupers in spirit (see Matthew 5:3)


~ Luke 11:10
"For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."

~ James 1:5
^"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

~ Luke 11:13
"If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

~ Matthew 5:45
"that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."

~ Matthew 5:3
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."


How true it is that the hardest thing to do is ask for help!  I have always hated asking for help, no matter what the circumstances are.  (unless it got to the point of putting my family in jeopardy of going without)  I guess you can call that a pride issue.  I have finally realized that asking for help is something that absolutely has to be done, whether it be something physically needed or spiritually.  I know in the four years Steve and I have been married, the first two were the absolute hardest.  We did have to ask for help, as much as I hated asking, there was no way we would have survived without it. 

The same goes for asking God for spiritual help.  You have to realize how poor you are to ask for help.  Unlike having to ask for help from other people, I WANT to be a pauper when asking God for his guidance wisdom.  I am not ashamed to admit that I will always need and want his help.  I want to receive his blessing and know they came from him.  Too many times, people take for granted what they are truly blessed by God with.  There have been so many times in my life where I have said "Thank you Jesus for...," but did I truly know that God blessed me, or was I just saying this out of relief that it happened?  (Or out of habit?) I by no means am saying that I wont ever take something for granted again, but I will say that my eyes are wide open, and I will know that God has blessed many for any given reason!  I will always ask for him, and pray to him! 

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes!! I am proud to be a pauper of God!  The way I see it, the more "poor" I am the "richer I will get spiritually!! 

What's Next To Do?

I have decided to start daily devotions from the book My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers!  I want a closer more personal walk with God!  So Today is the first day!

"If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them"  (John 13:17)

Be determined to know more than others.  If you yourself do not cut the lines that tie you to the dock, God will have to use a storm to sever them and to send you out to sea.  Put everything in your life afloat upon God, going out to sea on the great swelling tide of His purpose, and your eyes will be opened.  If you believe in Jesus, you are not to spend all your time in the calm waters just inside the harbor, full of joy, but always tied to the dock.  You have to get out past the harbor into the great depths of God, and begin to know things for yourself - begin to have spiritual discernment.

When you know that you should do something and you do it, immediately you know more.  Examine where you have become sluggish, where you began losing interest spiritually, and you will find that it goes back to a point where you did not do something you knew you should do.  You did not do it because there seemed to be no immediate call to do it.  But now you have no insight or discernment, and at the time of crisis you are spiritually distracted instead of spiritually self-controlled.  It is a dangerous thing to refuse to continue learning and knowing more.

The counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you create you own opportunities to sacrifice yourself, and your zeal and enthusiasm are mistaken for discernment.  It is easier to sacrifice yourself than to fulfill your spiritual destiny, which is stated in Romans 12:1-2.  It is much better to fulfill the purpose of God in you life by discerning His will than it is to perform great acts of self-sacrifice.  "Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice..." (1 Samuel 15:22).  Beware of paying attention or going back to what you once were, when God wants you to be something that you have never been.  "If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know..." (John 7:17).


I have always believed in God, and tried living the life I thought was "good,"  but looking back, I didn't have the relationship I needed with him.  As a child I was not raised in a church environment, but when I was able to drive I started going to church on my own.  It has always been so frustrating to sit in a Sunday school class or a church sermon, and not understand what the lesson is on.  I, to this day, still don't know some of the most common Bible stories that children learned growing up.  When I read Taegan the stories out of his Children's Bible, not only is he learning something, but I am too.  I want so desperately to be able to walk in to an "adult" Sunday school and not just sit there lost as we are being taught the lesson.  I want to be able to participate in the discussions and know what I am talking about.  In doing these devotions, I pray I will be able to better understand things, and gain a closer intimate relationship in my walk with God.  Steve and I have been going to church here in Columbus every week, for a couple months now, and we hope to find a Sunday school class that best suits us.  I am so excited to get back in  a routine of going to Church!  I will admit that We didn't go as much as we should have back in SC, especially when Steve was gone to basic and AIT, and I know this is no excuse, but it was so hard to walk in that church service without Steve every Sunday.  I can't remember one time that I would go to a service and not cry because I didn't have my Steve with me.  Although the services were wonderful, my heart was just so broken, and I believe that is where my walk with God faded.  I am determined and very excited on getting back on track with my spiritual relationship, not only for myself, but for my family as well!  I want Taegan and Jocelyn to know, love and accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour.  I believe and know that they will lead by my example.  I want to show and teach them how precious a relationship with God is, not by me telling them, but by them seeing my relationship with him.  Prayers are more than welcomed, and much needed!  :)

day 15- put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

1.  We Belong Together - Steven Curtis Chapman
2.  Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses
3.  Remembering You - Steven Curtis Chapman
4.  Who Will Love Me - Tonic Sol-fa
5.  Stonger - Kanye West
6.  Cinderella - Steven Cutis Chapman
7.  Thriller - Michael Jackson
8.  Someday - Plain White T's
9.  I Will Be Here - Steve Curtis Chapman
10. Daughter - Pearl Jam

Lonely Days!

This has been a rather difficult week for me.  Taegan has been visiting in South Carolina without Steve and me!  We met Brenda and Wesley on their way to Mississippi because they wanted to get Taegan for what I thought was going to be a week.  I didn't realize until we met them and Cracker Barrel that they wanted to keep him for at least two. (Which is fine, it just kind of caught me off guard) I knew it was going to be hard being away from him, but I didn't know I would miss him so much so soon!  As soon as we were in the car leaving to come back home, I had tears in my eyes!  In my defense though, for the last 8 1/2 months I have been with him every single day. (minus the 3 or 4 days he went to SC in March) Yes, I still have Jocelyn with me, but now that she has her own little routine, I have no idea what to do with myself!  With Taegan, he kept me busy from 6 am until 9:30 pm without naps most days!  He wakes up every morning as soon as he sees that it's even the tiniest bit light outside.  He runs to our room and says "Mommy, it's light outside!"  He may or may not get in bed with me and watch Toodles, (Mickey Mouse Club House) it just all depends on how hungry he is!  Some mornings he doesn't mention it, but most he will say "Mommy, I'm real real hungry"  I'll ask what he wants and he will come down stairs look through our cabinets then open the fridge to look (he really is contemplating really hard on what he wants).  He will go back and forth until he finds exactly what he wants!  (or so I think)  I will get it for him, set it on his table, and 10 minutes later he's back in the kitchen getting something else!  This goes on literally ALL DAY!  By the end of the day I will have gotten him 2 bowls of Cocoa Pebbles, Cheese Puffs, 5 packs of Gummies, 10 dum-dums, Raviolis (UNCOOKED, he will not eat them if I heat them up), Popcorn, an apple, an orange, the food he takes from me because he thinks it's his, a nutrigrain bar, ice cream from the ice cream truck, a cup of chocolate milk, kool-aid, Juice, water (which he usually plays with, and we find his fish from the Let's go Fishing game in it because "it was thirsty").  This does not include the 5 pieces of balogna, 3 pieces of cheese, 2 lunchables, crackers, grapes, strawberries, and carrots he can get and open ALL BY HIMSELF!  You think I'm kidding when I say this is one day's worth of food, but ask anyone who has spent a day with him, they will tell you real quick that this is an everyday occurrence!

 From 6am until 2pm my TV is locked on Disney Channel.......No, he does not watch TV all day, he will glance at it as he plays, but mostly he is occupied with all his 10,000 toys spread across my house on a daily basis! However, if I even think about changing the channel, it doesn't matter if he is upstairs in his room playing, he will run down here and scold me and make me change it back!  When I say scold, he will say "Mommy, no sir, (because that what we tell him when he's doing something wrong) turn it back to Toodles!  One, Two......I'm going to pop you!"  (Notice he didn't say three.......that's because I never get to three when he's getting in trouble.  haha)  Or sometimes instead of him saying "I'm going to pop you" he will say "Go to timeout right now mommy!"  So inevitably, the channel changes back to Disney while he doesn't watch it and continues to play with his toys! 

When Barkley comes in in the afternoons to cool off, that's when Taegan ever so generously give him all of his uneaten food and when the real fun starts!!  I'm pretty sure those two share a brain when they are together!  When Taegan is getting into something (such as a tube of tooth paste) Barkley is right there beside him helping him!  Taegan will get on his little toy truck he scoots around on and tortures that poor dog by running him down!  Then he will get on his scooter skateboard and chase him for an hour straight and Barkley just plays right along!  They both love it and I love watching them......i just have to zone out the screaming portion of it all!  (oh, this is all while poor little Jocelyn is trying to take her naps, and if she's not taking a nap, she is just sitting there starring and them like they are insane!)

For the rest of the afternoon and evening there are various comments about things being "redicious"  (ridiculous), a lot of "no sirs" (to me and from me), tons of books he gets me to read to him, toys flying through the house, Taegan "flying" through the house on his toys, bunches of kisses and "she's a cute girl, mommy!" comments for sissy, and play time with daddy when he gets home from work!

Bath time - it's either a good things or an absolute horror story depending on if we wash his hair or not!  (seriously) Bubble baths are always his favorite, and he has loads of toys to play with.  He will spend an hour at least in the tub playing, but on the days we have to wash his hair, I'm almost positive we get a bath too!  Lots of kicking and screaming, and he will tell us to give him towel ever 2 seconds because he knows that water is in his eyes........even when his face is completely dry!  It's interesting to say the least!

Bed Time - He is so funny, he now will not go to bed until it is completely dark outside.  No matter how tired he is, he will watch the window until he can not see light anymore and say "it's dark now!"  Then and only then will he get into his bed!  We read him a story out of his Bible, he will say his prayers, and there will be a lot of "I love you's," "goodnights," "see you tomorrows," "sleep goods," and "see you laters!" (can you tell he's trying to stall?)  10 minutes later you will hear him yell for one of us to come up there.  When we get in there he says "I'm so thirsty"  our response "Taegan you just drank a whole cup of water" he then says "I'm so hungry".......how can you say no to that???  Thirty is one thing, but hungry???  So we now have a nightly routine where he gets a pack of crackers to eat in bed!  He thinks this is the most amazing thing ever, he loves have a bedtime snack IN BED!  (and by morning, the crackers are IN BED with him)  So funny!

I love my days with Taegan, he keeps me going everyday, so now you can see why I have been so lost and not knowing what to do with myself since he's been gone.  I'm so happy he is having so much fun with our family, and I wont cut his vacation short just because I miss him so much, but I can't wait to get him back!!

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Me, Steve, Taegan, and Jocelyn

Alisha, Heather, Jake, Daniel, Josh, MawMaw, Mama, Me, Stephen, MawMaw Holman, Robert, Derek, Greg, Ricky, Michelle, Short Short, and Jamie

Mamaw Jan, Meme, Darrell, Wesley, Me, Stephen, Brent, Brenda, Mamaw Peggy, Papaw Ray, and Mamaw Ann!!

Me, Brenda, Wesley, Jenna, Taegan, Stephen, and Brent

Lisa, Kelly, Bill, Corey, and BJ

Cindy, Maddie, Lesleigh, Marleigh, and Amber

Heather, Kyle, Jay, and Ava

Cindy, Papaw Robert, Brenda

Cindy, Brenda, Mamaw Peggy, and Merita

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Dear Life,
     I have found you to be quite challenging over the past 20 years.  It seems as though you have thrown things at me that no child should ever have to face in life, I grew up questioning who loved me and who didn't.  I saw things and went through things that only a handful of people know about in my life.  You have hurt me more times than I can ever count, and disappointed me even more.  Sometimes I think about the past, and never for a second do I wish to take anything back.  No matter how horrible any one situation was, I am PROUD of my background, and I am so happy of the person I have become, and the family I am raising!  I have met people throughout my life that have made a huge impact, and some that only came and went as fast as I met them, but everyone who has entered my life has molded me into who I am!  Whether it be because I wanted to be just like them, or because I knew when I saw them what NOT to become, I am so glad I met each and every person in my life!  Through my life, I have learned what I wanted in a husband, only because I saw so many times what a woman, ANY WOMAN should never have to go through.  I knew what I wanted for the father of my children, only because I witnessed things no CHILD should ever see.  I knew what kind of life I wanted for myself, only because I saw how hard life was for certain people, and I never wanted that.  I strived to better myself, and meet people that were "good!"  I knew exactly how I wanted to raise my children, and how to love, and care for them, and let them know that they will NEVER have to question whether we love them or not.  So honestly, Although I have been hurt by you, Life, I also am thankful because you taught me what not to settle for! I have an amazing family that I would give my life for!  We have been blessed beyond belief by our God!  Although I say I knew back then what I didn't want out of life, I never imagined God would give me such a wonderful life!  I love everything about it, and I'm sure it's only going to get better as I get older!  Bring on  the disappointments....they only make me stronger, and in the long run so much happier!!

Sincerly Yours,
Stephany

Day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one

After Taegan was born, my mother in law created one, and thought it was cute!  I decided to make one, but I didn't keep it up for a while, but after we moved to GA, away from everyone, I wanted to make sure everyone could see what's going on in our lives.  I still have trouble updating, but I am hoping to get better.


I had a wonderful Mother's Day weekend!!  Friday Steve's Parents came to visit us.  They got here around 1pm, and Taegan was so excited!!  Of course Nina and Papa fell in love with Jocelyn all over again, but let's be honest, who can love that girl?  :)  Taegan got to play his little heart out,and show them all the new stuff he knows how to do!  The boys went to the PX after Steve got home from work while Jocelyn,
Brenda, and I stayed home.  I showed Brenda all my ribbon I had to make bows, and she picked out some to make Marleigh a bow!  It was so cute, I hope she likes it!  When the boys got back, Taegan comes walking in with some gorgeous pink and white orchids!  He gave them to me, and said happy mothers day mommy!!  It was perfect!! 

Saturday I got up, and went to a few yard sales with a friend i met here!  came home, and we all packed up and went to the lake to fish!  Brenda snuggled with Jocelyn, while the rest of us were fishing.  Taegan's ADD set in though, so he went off to play with dirt, throw sticks in the water, and find pine apples AKA Pine cones!  haha  We saw some really cute baby ducks, and he started feeding them cheese crackers!  They absolutely loved them!  Wesley and Steve both caught a fish, so after that we all went to Red Lobster to eat lunch!  (my favorite restaurant EVER!!)  After that, they had to head back to SC, but it was a wonderful visit! 

Sunday I got up and made pancakes, bacon, eggs, then got ready for Church!  Church was so great, the perfect mother's day service!   Taegan stayed in his class for the whole Church service again!!  He has gotten a lot better about not wanting Steve and me to leave!  After Church, Steve said he wanted to cook me dinner, so we came back ad he started making baked spaghetti He did wonderful, all except he forgot the most important ingredient....the sauce!  haha  It was so cute!  We just heated the sauce and put it on top of the baked noodles, cheese, and meat!   :)  It was so yummy!!  Taegan colored me a card, and gave it to me, and he snuggled with me all day! 

I had the perfect Mother's Day Weekend!!